Technical Information

First Broadcast: Friday, February 5, 1988, 9:30 PM

Production Code: B-87516

Number of bullets fired by Sledge: 0

Critical Info

TV Guide summary: Hammer and Doreau become the butt of co-workers' jokes after the two are unable to recall events of the night they posed as newlyweds to help nab suspects in a narcotics deal.

Ph episode rating on the Hammer scale (1 to 6 bullets): 3. This episode was saved by the irony of having Hammer and Doreau as a romantic couple.

Episode references:

• It Happened One Night (movie)

Opening Credits

Produced by Thomas Kane
Supervising Producer: Ron Friedman
Executive Producer: Alan Spencer

Guest Stars:

• Stanley Brock (Roy Talbot)
• Michael Pniewski (Roy Jr.)
• Monte Landis
• Sandy Kenton (Chairman)
• John C. Cooke
• Leslie Morris (as Officer Mayjoy)
• Patti Tippo (as Officer Daley)
• Bob Frank

Created by Alan Spencer
Written by Mark Curtiss & Rod Ash
Directed by Bill Bixby

Act One

An old friend, Roy Talbot from the narcotics division, comes to visit Trunk. Tablot is retiring but wants to go out with a big bang, one big drug bust. He would like to borrow Hammer and Doreau, so they are summoned by Trunk.

Talbot tells the pair that a big drug deal is to take place tonight in a room at the Dominick Hotel right next to the bridal suite. They are to pose as newlyweds and record the whole transaction on videotape.

Hammer: Hey why don't you just get a guy and a gal from your own gang? Or call Bob Eubanks?

Talbot replies that there could be leaks in his department. He says that no one knows them two, so they will be a believable couple. Doreau is willing to cooperate, but Hammer is reluctant.

Hammer: The last time I posed as a newlywed, it was a disaster.
Doreau: When was that?
Hammer: My honeymoon.
[48 KB WAV file]

Cut to a scene of the pair clumsily walking through the lobby of the Dominick Hotel. Stepping on the train of Doreau's gown, Hammer is in a bright, sky blue suit. They register as the Buckingham's.

Hammer: Oh, brother! Who decorated this place? Tammy Bakker? And what is this? A bed or a jumbo box of chocolates?
Doreau: Hammer, this is the honeymoon suite. People who come here are in love. Hearts represent love.
Hammer: Doreau, the heart isn't a wimp. It's a muscle, and it doesn't have time for love. It's too busy pumping blood.
Doreau: Very romantic. You know, I happen to believe in love and marriage -- goes together like a horse and carriage.
Hammer: Oh, gag me with a nightstick, Doreau. You know what marriage is? It's driving the wrong way down a one-way street and having a head-on collision with a dumptruck called your wife.
[101 KB WAV file]

After Hammer sets up the camera in their suite, Doreau tells Hammer to drill a hole into the room next door. He first draws his gun, but Doreau points him to a drill in the suitcase.

Before he can get very far, a bellhop comes in with complementary champagne. He asks what all the video equipment is for, but Hammer only comes up with lame excuses. The bellhop overstays his welcome and is soon ejected by Hammer.

Hammer: Ah, this sissy stuff makes me puke... but sometimes I like to puke.

Hammer and Doreau enjoy more than a few sips of champagne. As they sit on the bed, they drunkenly exchange and laugh over bad jokes. They radio into Tablot, who is sitting in his car wondering what is going on in there.

Hammer: Trust me. I almost know what I'm doing.
[31 KB WAV file]

Talbot instructs them to check in every hour. After they disconnect, three shady characters walk into the room next door, one of them carrying a large metal suitcase. Through the camera, the officers can see it is filled with cocaine ("more snow than the Winter Olympics").

Not feeling well, Doreau lies on the bed, and Hammer joins her.

A frantic Trunk and his officers meets Talbot in the lobby. Talbot has sounded the alarm because he hasn't heard from Hammer and Doreau in more than two hours.

Breaking into the room of the transaction, they find the three men lying on the floor with the suitcase empty.

Breaking into the room next door, they find Hammer and Doreau sleeping undressed.

They awaken to the familiar cry from Captain Trunk: "HAMMER!".

Act Two

In his office, Trunk looks at embarassing newspaper headlines: "No bust for cops in lust", "Crime Pays While Copy Plays", "Police Make Love, Not Arrest". A livid Tablot says there will be an interdepartmental inquiry into their misconduct. When Doreau asks about the videotape, Tablot plays it, and it only shows Hammer and Doreau frolicking on the bed. A flustered Trunk asks them to file a report of what they do remember by tomorrow morning.

They try to write a report together, but Hammer leaves with too much of a headache.

Hammer: And I you need help remembering something I can't remember, forget to call me.

While Officer Daley and other female officers tease Doreau about Hammer's performance, Hammer is asked by another male officer about Doreau. Hammer first says he has nothing to say, but when taunted that nothing happened, he claims that "a lot" happened.

Doreau overhears this and is furious, of course.

Doreau is see in her apartment (#6) kicking a stand-up balloon with Hammer's face on it. Hammer visits Doreau, who is dejected over runing her career. Unable to believe they passed out after not driving that much champagne, Doreau wonders if they were drugged. Wanting to speak to the big-headed bellboy, She then goes to call Trunk to meet them at the hotel.

When the bellboy lineup does not contain their man, Hammer asks about the hotel manager about the big-headed bellboy with no lips and thick glasses. The manager says that no such bellboy exists and added that they don't give complimentary champagne.

Realizing they've been set up, Hammer and Doreau try to find a way to save their badges before the inquiry tomorrow. Trunk wonders about the description of the bellboy.

At the inquiry, Tablot is recalling the story to the committee. The chalkboard drawing depicts the hotel floorplan, including the "GRISLY DEATH SCENE".

The committee chairman asks if the two have anything to say in their defense. Doreau gets up to speak but is interrupted by Hammer.

Hammer: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
[24 KB WAV file]

Fanning himself and speaking like Jesse Jackson (?), Hammer says that nothing unethical or immoral happened because Doreau would not have allowed it to happen. He asks the committee that they blame him. Doreau then states that they have been framed but just cannot prove it.

Just as Talbot is dismissing their excuse, Trunk storms in to reveal some of Talbot's misconduct (confiscated drugs were missing) in previous cases. Furthermore, Trunk brings in Talbot's son, Roy Jr., who turns out the be the bellboy. He confesses to drugging Hammer and Doreau and setting up the whole scene.

Trunk then confronts the pitiable father.

Trunk: Why'd you do it, Roy, huh? Why?
Talbot: Who can live on a police pension? Day after day, I see these drug-pushing sleezebags living like royalty. And here... here I am, the good guy, living like a pauper. And I didn't do it just for myself. No, I did it for my wife, so... so I could just give her some... something I could never afford to give her before.

Trunk: What's that?
Talbot: Her alimony!

Tag

As Doreau and Hammer present Trunk with a bottle of champagne for saving their careers, Doreau says she is relieved that her reputation has been restored. Trunk laughs when Hammer says his reputation has been ruined.

Closing Credits

Associate Producer: Robert Ewing
Creative Consultant: Leonard B. Stern
Executive Story Editors: Mert Rich & Brian Pollack
Story Editors: Mark Curtiss & Rod Ash
Story Editor: Chris Ruppenthal
Co-Producer: Jim Ragan
Director of Photography: Chuck Colwell
Production Designer: Gregory Melton
Music Composed by Lance Rubin
Theme by Danny Elfman
Unit Production Manager: Jim Ragan
1st Assistant Director: Candace Allen
2nd Assistant Director: Nancy King
Film Editor: Janet Ashikaga
Set Decorator: Michael Parker
Construction Coordinator: Raymond Camaioni
Property Master: Christopher Amy
Location Manager: Rene Botana
Stunt Coordinator: Ed Ulrich
Sound: Tom Koester
Camera Operator: Michael Levine
Key Grip: Dylan Shephard
Gaffer: Walter Stewart
Make-Up Artist: June Rudley Brickman
Hair Stylist: Robert Hallowell
Costume Designer: Nancy Fox
Script Supervisor: Nancy Friedman
Transportation Coordinator: Eddie Lee Voelker
Special Effects: Chuck Dolan
Casting: Cathy Henderson (C.S.A.), Barbara Hanley (C.S.A.)
Assistant to Alan Spencer: Tracy Yeager, Sherry Gamlin
Assistant to Thomas Kane: Nancy Edwards
Production Coordinator: Bonnie Jordan
Production Auditor: Erica Fox
Post Production Supervisor: Larry Levin

Electronic Laboratory: Pacific Video
Post-Production Sound: West Productions, Inc.
Filmed at Valencia Independent Studios
Cameras and Lenses Provided by Ultravision
Alan Spencer Productions in association with New World Television
(cut)