Technical Information

First Broadcast: Friday, January 29, 1988, 9:30 PM

Production Code: B-87519

Number of bullets fired by Sledge: 5

Critical Info

TV Guide summary: Hammer scours the city's sleazy bars on a top-secret assignment to find the governor's missing daughter, who reportedly fell in with the wrong crowd.

Ph episode rating on the Hammer scale (1 to 6 bullets): 1. This episode must refer to some elements of pop culture of which I am not aware. It doesn't make sense otherwise.

Episode references:

• The Secret Of My Success (movie)

Opening Credits

Produced by Thomas Kane
Supervising Producer: Ron Friedman
Executive Producer: Alan Spencer

Guest Stars:

• James Karen (as Governor Fritz LaChatte)
• Ernie Sabella (as Al Fresco)
• Marianne Muellerleile (as Big Mabel)
• Mark Holton (as aide)
• Leslie Morris (as Officer Mayjoy)
• Special Appearance by Mark Blankfield (as Joey the Slug)

Created by Alan Spencer
Written by Alicia Marie Schudt
Directed by Dick Martin

Act One

As Hammer sits watching TV and talking to his gun, someone knocks on his apartment door. An aide to Governor LaChatte needs to see Hammer for a top secret meeting. He is in trouble because something has happened that could cost him his re-election. Hammer is told to get into the trunk of the waiting limo, which will take him to the governor's mansion.

When they arrive, a disheveled Hammer climbs out of the Trunk and accosts the aide for going over the potholes four times.

Governor: (entering) I hate to break this up, gentleman.
Hammer: Oh, pardon us, governor. Actually, you could really pardon us, couldn't you? (chuckles) I mean, you could... it's a little gubernatorial humor.
Governor: Would you like a drink, Hammer?

The governor, who even has a bar in the garage, brags about spending taxpayers' money. After Hammer compliments him on cutting funds to the elderly to build missile bases, the governor returns the kindness.

Governor: Thank you. I'm equally impressed with your record, Hammer. You always get your man, albeit sometimes posthumously.
Hammer: No, no, sometimes I have to kill him first.

The governor gives Hammer a picture of his "little girl".

She has been missing for two weeks and has reportedly fallen in with the wrong crowd. The governor stresses that this is to be kept top secret so that the rival camp doesn't find out.

At the precinct, Doreau tells Trunk the she hasn't made any progress on a particular investigation. Both of them wonder why Hammer is out "sick" for the second day.

Trunk: By the way, have you heard of any recent riots, assassinations, or nuclear meltdowns?
Doreau: Uh, no. Why?
Trunk: Hammer's out there, and he's unsupervised.

Trunk then calls Hammer at his apartment.

Trunk: (gently) Hammer, we miss you. Please come back.
Hammer: (faking a sore throat) Oh, hi. I... I can't come in because I... I have the... the plague.
Trunk: (yelling) Well, take two aspirins and come in, or you'll be charged with insubordination.
Hammer: What if I get a note from my doctor?
Trunk: I don't care if you get a note from Dr. Jonas Salk! I want you at your desk, for once!
[54 KB WAV file]

Jonas Salk (1914-1995) developed the polio vaccine.

At the office, Doreau pressures Hammer to work on the case, but he is too absorbed in trying to find the missing girl. Doreau notices the picture the governor gave him.

Doreau: Who's the girl in your lap?
Hammer: Ahh, there hasn't been one of those for years.
Doreau: The photo.

Doreau senses that he is hiding something, but Hammer won't tell.

Hammer has Mayjoy take Joey the Slug, a notorious informant, into interrogation. Doreau is frustrated about being blown off again, as Hammer says he has to talk to Joey about "man's stuff... hunting".

In interrogation, Joey refuses the talk about the girl until Hammer heinously plays some saxophone.

The informant finally reveals that she works at a place downtown called the "Bikini Wax Bar".

At the bar, flocks of women are going crazy over Chippendale-style dancers. After having no luck with the proprietor (Big Mabel?), Hammer asks around if people have seen the girl before, but no one has.

Hammer is relieved when a man in a police uniform steps on stage. When the imposter begins to undress for the crowd, however, Hammer stops the show. [gunshot 1]

Hammer: Now I haven't seen anything this perverted since the Webster holiday special. You're all under arrest.

Big Mabel then calls for all the girls to mob Hammer.

Act Two

Doreau breaks up the mob, and while under the chokehold of the proprietor, Hammer lets it slip that he's looking for the governor's daughter. The proprietor doesn't want any part of this, so she refers them to Dr. Maseuss's Massage Parlor.

Camille, the lady at the parlor ("se habla, all major credit cards, food stamps welcome"), is a nervous wreck when Hammer and Doreau identify themselves as cops. While Hammer investigates all the rooms of the parlor, she spastically confesses to Doreau that she has committed every major crime in history, naming them off: stealing office supplies, cutting tags off pillows, bootlegging Jane Fonda tapes, committing the Great Train Robbery, stealing Christmas (not the Grinch), killing Jimmy Hoffa, doing Tammy Faye Bakker's makeup, etc.

Hammer runs into Joey the Slug, who is exiting a massage room. Before Hammer can berate him for leading him on a wild goose change, Doreau interrupts, saying Camille remembers seeing the girl at the Fleabag Motel across the street.

The man running the motel, Al Fresco, reluctantly shows Hammer and Doreau the closet of a room she stayed in, but it provides no help.

Back at the Bikini Wax Bar, the governor's girl, Angel, is dancing on stage. Inexplicably (to me at least), she pulls a chain that dumps water on Hammer, who is trying to call the governor on a pay phone.

When she goes to apologize to Hammer, he recognizes her.

They drag her back to the governor's mansion even though she claims he isn't her father. Unfortunately, for the governor, they interrupt a campaign party.

Governor: And so I say to you my friends: Ask not what your governor can do for you, but rather, what you can do for your governor, me!

After Hammer brings her into the party, the LaChatte's wife tells Hammer they don't have a daughter. When all deduce that the girl is his mistress, a scene of plate-throwing mayhem erupts [gunshots 2-4] until the wife knocks the governor into the cake.

Hammer laments the morals of what he considers an otherwise good man.

Doreau: How'd your hair get so dry?
Hammer: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
[68 KB WAV file]

If you have a good explanation for this one, I'll print your answer here.

Tag

In Trunk's office, Hammer continues to defend the governor, except for his "seven or eight fatal, moral flaws". After Angel announces she has a three-picture deal with Paramount, Hammer does what he just feels like doing. [gunshot 5]

Closing Credits

Associate Producer: Robert Ewing
Creative Consultant: Leonard B. Stern
Executive Story Editors: Mert Rich & Brian Pollack
Story Editors: Mark Curtiss & Rod Ash
Story Editor: Chris Ruppenthal
Featuring: Mary Otis (as Angel), Anna Marlowe, John A. DeBello, Susie Loucks (as Camille)
Co-Producer: Jim Ragan
Director of Photography: Chuck Colwell
Production Designer: Gregory Melton
Music Composed by Lance Rubin
Theme by Danny Elfman
Unit Production Manager: Jim Ragan
1st Assistant Director: Louis Race
2nd Assistant Director: Nancy King
Film Editor: Briana London
Set Decorator: Michael Parker
Construction Coordinator: Raymond Camaioni
Property Master: Christopher Amy
Location Manager: Rene Botana
Stunt Coordinator: Ed Ulrich
Sound: Tom Koester
Camera Operator: Michael Levine
Key Grip: Dylan Shephard
Gaffer: Walter Stewart
Make-Up Artist: June Rudley Brickman
Hair Stylist: Robert Hallowell
Costume Designer: Nancy Fox
Script Supervisor: Nancy Friedman
Transportation Coordinator: Eddie Lee Voelker
Special Effects: Chuck Dolan
Casting: Cathy Henderson (C.S.A.), Barbara Hanley (C.S.A.)
Assistant to Alan Spencer: Tracy Yeager
Assistant to Thomas Kane: Nancy Edwards
Production Coordinator: Bonnie Jordan
Production Auditor: Erica Fox
Post Production Supervisor: Larry Levin

Electronic Laboratory: Pacific Video
Post-Production Sound: West Productions, Inc.
Filmed at Valencia Independent Studios
Cameras and Lens Provided by Ultravision
Alan Spencer Productions in association with New World Television